My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
