She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
