I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
