I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
