you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
