he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
