My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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