I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
