So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
