Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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