You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
