he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
