I smell stomach acid.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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