did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
