I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
