Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
