Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
