I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
