Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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