I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
