Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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