Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
