A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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