I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
