Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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