I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
