we have officially lost it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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