i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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