Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize