I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize