If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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