is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
