well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
