Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
