I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
