so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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