who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
