I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
