It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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