he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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