i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
