the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
