It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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