you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
