Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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