Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
