just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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