Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
