last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
