fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
