No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize