It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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