maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm having to shit out rocks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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