She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
