you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
