i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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