actually, I'm a sock model
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
