I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
