someone owes me an orgasm
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
