Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
