I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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